We sat on a rock overlooking the putrid pond, watching the swamp gas-colored sunset. It smelled like moldy wallpaper and ammonia. She looked into my eyes for a long time till she said, “You have weird eyebrows.” Failed romantic attempt number 17.

Yes, I keep track. I’m writing a book on how to not pick up girls. All the books in this area with a positive bent are totally unrealistic. In my book people with identify with my situations and actions. They will see things they thought of trying and will now know that they shouldn’t.

It will be self-published.