Quickies

Small scenes of normal life vs. abnormal life

100 Words - Flakes

 

Raul was walking through the cold woods when he saw the first snowflake of the year wafting slowly down. In a fit of whimsy he ran and caught it on his tongue. It was however not a snowflake but an ash from a nearby campfire. He decided they must be punished.

He calculated the wind direction and moved around to a good vantage point. Nobody heard or smelled him. No dog, no problem. He watched them a while. Seven in all. Six children and one mom.

He left them alone. Having to care for that many kids was punishment enough.

100 Words - No Accident

 Officer Rusow surveyed the scene of the crash and proclaimed that this was no accident. The young detective asked what made him think that. Rusow shot him through the heart, then started rehearsing what Raul told him to say when the rest of the cops got there.

Hours later Raul’s planted evidence had worked and everything was blamed on the dead detective. Rusow kept repeating that he was getting to old for this shit and got several comforting hands on his slumped shoulder. He left for his meeting for Raul wondering if he’d end the night being rich or dead.

Klaus And His Car

Roommates come and go, but always leave something behind.

100 Words - On The Porch

 

I sat on the porch to enjoy the cool, quiet evening. My family was inside making too much noise. The sunset died, giving way to brilliant stars and a single firefly. It flickered and flitted closer till it suddenly flared into an EMT’s flashlight. I was laying on the ground.

The ambulance ride was fun. I was sitting facing the back window and the town went zooming away behind us. There was one young man who was calm and I spoke to him, but I wouldn’t talk to the people who kept yelling at me. I pretended not to hear.

Truth

The blinding light of truth and it's destruction of one man.

100 Words - Fuzzy Wires

 

In the great book of punk rock lore The Fuzzy Wires were but an asterisk. No fame. No fortune. Never considered the band that would be God. They might have achieved fame if they had a bit more luck, rehearsals or talent.

The biggest problem was that McDonald’s, Burger King and Wendy’s all needed janitors on different schedules, so three of the four members were never available at the same time. The drummer did not have this problem. He didn’t need a job. Not that he was independently wealthy or anything. He was just much more comfortable living in poverty.

100 Words - Graveyard Guard

 

I love riding my bike through small town cemeteries. There is always something surprising. This time it was a no trespassing sign and a guard with a shotgun and twelve empty beer cans. He let me go with the promise of bringing him more beer.

I did not plan to go back but as I passed a package store I was compelled to fulfill my promise. I bought a six pack and went back. The cemetery was empty. Ten of the guards cans were stacked in a pyramid. I sat and shared my Red Stripes with R. Morgan D. 1893.

Trust

Trust is a two way street with heavy traffic and too many yield signs

100 Words - Uncle

 My uncle was driven insane by a world that could not recognize the genius behind the mouth that could not speak. He eventually reduced himself to society’s expectations. Every day he would carve an animal out of a bar of soap and find a child to give it to.

I was so afraid of him when I was young. I didn’t understand the sadness in his eyes. I tried to learn sign language, but the signs in the book weren’t the ones he learned decades before I was born. Only the swear words were the same. That made him smile.

Boring Shadow

Not everyone is afraid of nightmares.

100 Words - Harry's

 

My parents always warned us kids to never go to Harry’s Diner out on route nine. It was a dangerous and sinful place they said. It was full of rapscallions, ne'er-do-wells and people of questionable moral filters. They also said the food was barely above poisonous.

I told my friends these warnings, but none of them had even heard of the place. So of course as soon as I got my first car that’s the first place I went, and in the first booth were Mom and Dad. Their private, let’s get away from the kids spot was ruined forever.

 

She was out of my league and I was told so by everyone I knew. I didn’t care. They told me that she was no good and would do me wrong. I didn’t care. So I ventured up to her in the bar and told her how I felt. She didn’t care.

Years later I saw her walking down the street. She had gained weight. Her hair was a mess. I wondered if she was homeless. As I approached I saw her vacant meth-induced stare. I said hi and that it was good to see her. She still didn’t care.

The Nameless Fool

The nameless turtle discuss mortality and stuff. The biplane in the background is not the turtle's. His is red. I don't know who owns that one there.

100 Words - Shores Of The Past

 

I stand on the shore, at the far end of America, feeding scraps of nostalgia to the sea gulls. The ghost of Daisy, the dog of my youth, stands guard over the horseshoe crabs. The salt air longs for the taste of ice cream from the now extinct sandy-floored store.

It’s funny how rarely nostalgia works for me. It always starts nice but quickly spirals down to embarrassing events and moments of failure. I try to break the spiral by looking to the future. However, as my future shrinks I find myself living more in the present. Better that way.

Drill Infinity

What's your sign on the dotted line?

 

We sat on a rock overlooking the putrid pond, watching the swamp gas-colored sunset. It smelled like moldy wallpaper and ammonia. She looked into my eyes for a long time till she said, “You have weird eyebrows.” Failed romantic attempt number 17.

Yes, I keep track. I’m writing a book on how to not pick up girls. All the books in this area with a positive bent are totally unrealistic. In my book people with identify with my situations and actions. They will see things they thought of trying and will now know that they shouldn’t.

It will be self-published.

Walrus

Officer Rusow finds a fetish

 

Her intention was to lay waste my heart and leave me penniless. She demanded I lay every extravagance at her feet. Every shiny bauble had to be hers. The finest fabrics and gourmet foods were the only things that could satisfy her discerning tastes.

Nothing was too good for her and what I could offer was never enough. There was never enough income to match the outlay. Then one day she just wasn’t there anymore. No note, no hint, no witnesses. She was just gone. Forever. Yet, despite the hell she put me through, I still love that damn cat.

The Sunny Beaufort

Not all dreams are practical, but they are dreams none-the-less.

100 Words - Argument Buddies

Karen and I sat together at lunch nearly every day during college, having spirited discussions about this, that and the other thing. We called them discussions. Our friends called them arguments. It’s rare, finding someone who enjoys arguing. I mean discussing.

We were friends and polar opposites. Our discourse was always civil. We listened to each, reasoned responses, and never spoke over each other.

Then we had sex.

It was over. Our attitudes towards each other changed. You can’t have a sparring partner you care about. The fire went out of our relationship. We worked as neither adversaries nor lovers.

Screens and Beers

Successful writing depends on a myriad of esoteric factors, and sometimes beer.

100 Words - Sex and Sin

 

Sex did not gently enter my life. It came wrath of God screaming. Condemning me to hell for my curiosity. It started with a blue pamphlet left by my bedside that promised to answer my questions about sex, which for every question was SIN!

Then there was my father’s sex talk with me which in its entirety was, “If you play with yourself you’ll be damned to hell.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was too late. Next Sunday I confessed to the priest. He laughed and told me not to worry about it. Scarred for life.

No Time

Not everyone participates in the collective temporal construct.

100 Words - Guns N' Witches

 

The man with the gun was just a decoy. A lot of noise amounting to nothing. While everyone was dealing with him the witches slipped into the museum. Incantations and potions were deployed undetected.

At first nobody noticed the change, but slowly the customers stopped coming. Some complained of the museum’s new “creepy” feeling. Then the donors stopped donating. The joy had gone out of the galas. The art had lost it’s appeal.

The board members would for the rest of their lives regret rejecting that one witch’s painting. Some cried when the bulldozers came. The witches laughed and sang.

Toy Cow

100 Words - Dumb Teachers

 In fourth grade my teacher gave me a C on a short story because the main character was too antagonistic. That was the day I realized that I was smarter than my teacher, and that he hated me because of it. This became a trend.

In fifth grade, on a quiz, the teacher asked us to name a car named for an animal. I answered, Pinto. She marked me wrong because pinto is a kind of bean. I told her it was a type of pony, and that’s why the Pinto logo is a horse. Still said I was wrong.

Guilt

100 Words - S.A.D.

 

I sat in my car outside the bar waiting for my need for company to eclipse my introvertitude. It happened between beers four and five.

Inside the bar I was already too drunk to make any connection with anyone. The bartender was hesitant to serve me at first but saw that I’m a passive drunk so she kept them coming.

I used to be the creepy nerd who stared at women in bars, never saying anything. Now I’m the creepy old man who stares at women and says inappropriate things. They smile and walk away.

Closing time is lonely again.

100 Words - Fear The Future

 

I’m afraid of the future. If the past is any indicator, the future is going to be a shit storm.

They say that every day is a new horizon. Seriously though, the sunrise should not be chartreuse.

I tried looking on the bright side, but that turned out to be an explosion in which several good friends were maimed.

People say I should think positively. I do. I’m positive things are going to suck.

The tarot cards warned of my impending doom.

Now I’m looking for a cave to hide out in. A cave with good WIFI and cable TV.

Parasites

100 Words - Paper Cars

I build paper cars. You download them from the internet, print them out, cut them out and tape or glue them together. It started as a form of inexpensive therapy. I thought about collecting Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars, but that gets expensive real quick.

I started with movie and TV cars. First the Starsky and Hutch Torino, the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine. Then I moved on to sports cars. Currently I’m on rally cars.

This all seemed harmless enough, but I just passed 1000 models and I’m running out of shelf space. Perhaps I need a woman after all.

100 Words - Dance

 Her dancing was inelegant, but not without its charm. He ordered a scotch and wondered how much damage dancing with her would do to his social status. He decided it would be a lot. so he marched over and took her by the hand. 

She laughed as he tried to mirror her moves. Soon he was too drunk to care, which was the plan all along. College revealed to him the perversity of high society. He couldn’t quit it though. He’d have to be thrown out.

Unfortunately drunken, eventually nude, dancing at the country club barely registered as an offense.

100 Words - Procedure

The procedure was refined over and over again till there was no chance of error, inefficiency or hint of human creativity. Everyone who might possibly involved in the procedure, no matter how tertiarily, was forced to sit through eight hour meetings where they were badgered by the consultants to provide input identical to yesterday’s eight hour meeting.

During the second round of Proactive Procedural Reconciliation meetings, seventeen employees quit.

When the entirety of the company had been equally bludgeoned into boredom, the process was enshrined in the corporate runbook, where it sat in perfection and was thoroughly ignored by everyone.

100 Words - Red Crayon

I spent much of my childhood lost in sunsets drawn with my favorite red crayon. I don’t know where I got it. It was different from my other crayons. It was thick and had dimples on the side, like dice or Swiss cheese. It seemed to last forever. Then it was gone.

It’s not like I lost it and couldn’t find it. It was just gone. I knew it was gone and I’d never have it again, but I had no sense of loss. It probably still existed somewhere. It just wasn’t my crayon anymore. Maybe is was someone else’s.

100 Words - Bouquet

He brought her a blood-stained bouquet. She slammed the door and called the police. He stood on her lawn, stripped and cried. The police came and surrounded him. He summoned his inner thunder but it proved ineffective against the tasers.

His parole officer and his social worker were there when he came to. The charges had been dropped and he was free to go, if he took his meds right then and there and promised to keep taking them. He took and promised to take the rest. They knew he was lying, but the alternative was keeping watch over him.

100 Words - Not My Knife

 

“Whose knife is in my glove compartment?” My friends seemed as confused as I was. They’re terrible liars, so I knew they didn’t know. I called the last person who was in my car alone, my current flirtation Carol. She said it wasn’t hers, but suggested I find a dumpster for it. So, that’s what I did.

The hard part now is deciding Carol’s status on my affection scale. I am stupidly attracted to danger, so that’s a plus. However, I have trust issues, and someone who would plant evidence of a crime in my car is a definite minus.

100 Words - Detached

Clyde’s early work in the slasher genre was rather shoddy. Even with a completely incompetent constabulary he was nearly caught several times. As time passed his technique improved to the point where his victims no longer even showed up in the papers.

Clyde was, at first, amazed at how many detached people there are in the world. People so insignificant that when they stop showing up for work their coworkers shrug their shoulders and move on. So many people show up out of nowhere, no one notices or cares when they’re gone. Assuming it was time to go somewhere else.

100 Words - Death Road

 

He told her there were a thousand ways to die on the road. She guessed there were just as many ways to die at home, so she stuck out her thumb and started her life. So far there have been 845 near misses. 155 to go.

You’d think car crashes would be high up on the list, but they’re so mundane. Nothing like steak knives falling from the sky. She wore a hard hat for a month after that. Some of the scars never healed. Every bump and bruise on her body is a story that only she can tell.

100 Words – The Hunt

I finally lost my temper and started yelling at the hunters. I never saw the appeal of the hunt. If you want to kill something, kill it. Don’t make a sport of it. Barbarism in civility’s guise. Even if they were hunting for food, that would be better. Killing, just for the “fun” of it. That’s sick and wrong.

My speech fell on deaf and disinterested ears. They knew there was no recourse or authority opposing them. They were free to do what they want. They told me I only had 9 minutes left of my head start. I ran.

100 Words – Scaredy Cow

Smiley invented the phrase scaredy cow based on a misunderstanding of the word cower. Cow, cower, you see where I’m going. It caused much confusion among his parents and a couple visits to therapists who understood the linguistics and declare Smiley sane.

Smiley’s wife Martha is the only other human to use the phrase. She was very drunk and Smiley was unwilling to have sex at the gas station. It was well past midnight and the gas station was closed. Neither was in any condition to drive and rideshare hadn’t been invented yet. Smiley finally gave in. Glad he did.

100 Words – The River’s Call

Billy was 12 when he first heard the river’s song. His mother saw it in his eyes and was prepared when, at 16, he heeded its call. After that she saw him once a year. Each time his face was carved deeper by weather, adventure and sin.

He’d became a man too soon. His body was hard as a rock and he had the scars to show how often he had to prove it. Sometimes he came home with a broken heart. Sometimes with the clap.

Always older. Always sadder. Always back to the river’s. She buried him at 30.

100 Words – Rowboat

Clyde watched the rowboat drift away along the river. He made little bets in his head on which way it would rotate next. He mostly got it wrong. He expected, or hoped, that it would veer more to the left. But just as it started left, it would jump right, like someone was trying to steer the boat away from the rapids. Though it was the rapids Clyde wanted. Finally it wafted into the coming darkness.

Two days later he was relieved to read that the only finger prints found on the boat belonged to the body found in it.

100 Words – Witness

I watched the children scramble up the hillside. I shouted, hoping that whatever was chasing them would turn its attention to me. I saw nothing else take the hill, but the screams that followed were evidence of my failure.

I tried to talk myself into to calling the police, but knew it would be just like last time. They’d assumed I killed the kids and throw me in jail till the medical examiner came and again described the claw marks that no human could make. Then they’d try to charge me with something else. Eventually letting me go. Not again.

100 Words – Debris Animals

Among the random debris along the Edison Highway I saw a dead rooster on top a pile of computer equipment. I stopped and stared till a police car pulled up and the officer asked me what I was doing. I pointed out the rooster. He said, “Again?” and sped off.

I searched the local news for clues as to the cop’s response. No mentions of roosters on trash heaps were found. However, there were many mentions of other animals being dumped there. Mostly dogs, lots of rodents and one unbranded calf. The word unbranded was in bold. That’s important apparently.

100 Words – Irish Goodbye

Smiley was the master of the Irish goodbye. When the crowds overwhelmed him he would hit the bathroom, then just walk out the door. Then he met Martha, the master of overstaying her welcome. Between them they make an almost normal couple.

Evenings start off well. They both enjoy parties and nights out. On arrival they make the first round as a couple. Then they split and wander at their own pace. Eventually Martha realizes that all the other guests are gone and the hosts are laying major hints of departure.

Then she goes to the car and wakes Smiley.

100 Words – Bad Poet

I failed college English because I wrote a paper on why the professor’s girlfriend was the worst poet to ever put pen to paper. In my defense, I did not know that she was his girlfriend when I wrote the paper. Though, why else would he have us study her?

My conclusion at the end of the semester was that poetry was a scam full of self-important assholes who had nothing to say that related to my life. Years later, at another college, I learned that poetry wasn’t the problem. That professor and his bad poetry friends were the problem.

Dr. Socket - Wrath

The extreme violence support group lives up to it's name causing Dr. Socket to walk out while proclaiming his wrath. Is this the last for Dr. Socket? Yes, it is.

100 Words – Hate

 Hate is one of my favorite emotions, but most people abuse the word. They say, I hate this or I hate that, but what they really mean is, that annoys me. These people will never know the splendor of a truly glorious hate. These people annoy me.

At one point I decided that these people should be killed, but that wanders into the hate zone, which means I would become one of those people. That kind of loop can lead to no good. So I’ve decided to openly ridicule them instead. I hope none of them decide to shoot me.

Tom Week – Get That Vaccination

3/18/21 – Vaccination Day

Pat’s second shot and Tonya’s first. At two different CVSs.

It was in the high 70’s today. It should stay there, but it won’t. It going to cool off tomorrow, but just down to the 60’s.

Oh yeah. I hate Microsoft. I’ve been trying to upgrade for several days now with no luck. Linux is looking better every day.

3/19/21 – Kids Aplenty

There are many kids here now, running around and screaming, as kids should.

Had a good bike ride today. I went noticeably farther than my last ride, but I’m much less worn out. Must be the warm weather.

FINALLY got the new upgrade for Microsoft Windows to install. The trick is to not use the Windows “Update Now” page. I used powershell to manage the upgrade and it worked first try.

3/20/21 – No Jury Duty

I got a summons for jury duty in Clay County Florida. This is weird because they won’t let me register to vote there because I don’t actually live there, but they call me for jury duty as if I did. I filled out the excusal request form explaining that I couldn’t get there by April 1. They agreed.

3/21/21 – Under The Funk

Fighting my way through mental molasses today. Not living up to my potential.

3/22/21 – Upside-Down Utah

I went for a bike ride and recorded my path on Strava. It came out the exact shape of Utah, only upside-down.

3/23/21 – Porterville

I finally got to drive through Porterville. This has been a goal of mine for nearly a week.

We are in Visalia for the night. Then off to Greenfield for two. Finally, Gilroy for a week. Then, we don’t know. We have no appointments. We have no commitments. We could go anywhere.

3/24/21 – Back at Yanks

We are in Greenfield California again. Hopefully this will be the last time this year. I’m getting tired of coming back to the same place over and over again.

100 Words – Graves and Idiots

Shallow grave my ass! The psycho buried her eight feet deep. It took me and Carl four hours to reach her. There she was, all dead and bloody. I put her mother’s pearls around her neck and wished her a bon voyage. Then another three hours filling her back in.

I may have to kill Carl. I’ll miss him. He’s stupid, but a good worker with strong arms. He’s telling everyone in the bar about digging up the grave. Fortunately, nobody believes anything Carl says. Knowing how hard it is to dig a grave, killing him just isn’t worth it.

Tom Week – WIND

3/11/21 – The Flags Are Flying

I finally got the energy and concentration together to finish a flags in the wind scene for an animation. It took a long time to learn how to do the flag flapping in the breeze. Then, when all the flags were in place I tried to render a test animation and the program crashed big.

I spent the next couple hours trying to degrade the output enough to make it through the render process. Finally, I came across the “animation cache.” This solved all my problems and was able to render the animation in full resolution and detail. The stuff you learn.

Then I got out for a bike ride. Only 4.7 miles, but I’m still lacking some strength.

Then I took a nap.

3/12/21 – Package Follies

Once again the delivery of Pat’s meds have been messed up. This time they couldn’t be delivered because the address was incorrect. Only, the address is correct. We got packages here a few days ago. Tomorrow we get to go down the hill to Palm Springs and pick up the package at the FedEx place. Such fun.

3/13/21 – Wind and Medications

We successfully obtained Pat’s meds from FedEx. It would be nice to go through one month without the drama.

Oh yeah. It’s windy here again. Big surprise.

3/14/21 – I Picked This Place

It’s my fault. Before we got here, Desert Hot Springs was the warmest place in California. My plan was to sit in the sun, ride my bike, the who warm weather thing. So, while we are actually the warmest place in California, it’s still too cold to do any of that stuff.

And the news people say tomorrow will be even windier.

3/15/21 – The Ides Of March

I was wrong. It was not windy here before. TODAY, it is windy here! 30 mph steady with 50 mph gusts. The RV is rocking! Fortunately the Charlie’s Angels obsessed weather lady says the bad wind will be gone tomorrow.

I’m tired of thinking about wind all the time.

3/16/21 – NO WIND

We are in Bakersfield. It is slightly warmer but with zero wind it feels much warmer. Soon I will stop talking about wind.

3/17/21 – Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Yes, we had corned beef. It was yummy. Pat figured out how to cook it in an air friar.

THERE IS NO WIND TODAY! Bike Ride! Yee Haw!

PIX

• 

  Pat Completes Her Quest

• 

  I Suck At Selfies

• 

• 
  

Dr. Socket - Greed

Lana shares her views on economics and her personal efforts at wealth redistribution. Dr. Socket disapproves.

100 Words – Disturb

Clyde hung out the Do Not Disturb sign, pulled the chain and sat on the bed. He pulled out his phone and searched, “worst bar near me.” He scrolled through a few reviews then he found it. A complaint about a bar that had too many drunk college students. Success!

Clyde was the oldest person in the bar by a significant margin, but nobody seemed to care. That bothered him. Not that he wanted any extra attention, but he should get the right amount. Something was not right, so he left. As he did, the first sirens could be heard.

100 Words – Mangy Dog Love

Clyde spent his childhood wanting a dog. His parents were open to the idea. The problem was that all dogs hated Clyde. It wasn’t until he was 40 that he met a dog that liked him. A mangy golden retriever named Satan, found in a car he stole.

The car brought in enough cash to pay for the dog’s food for a year. It wasn’t a cuddly, tail-wagging kind of dog, but from the first day it stayed at Clyde’s side. It’s jaws proved a useful tool in a tight spot. Now Clyde’s pockets are forever full of baby carrots.

Gus Speaks

Gus talks about the trauma of parental pranking. This is my first attempt at making a character speak. All feedback is welcome.

100 Words – Drunks and Prophets

I saw the glimpse of glory fade in the drunkard’s eye with every swig of the bottle. An angel, fallen...

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Clayman's Inferno - Limbo

Clayman traverses the first circle of hell, encountering the unbaptized masses. How else would one escape limbo.

100 Words – Desert Friends

I thought the desert would be a lonely place. I have more friends here than I ever had in any...

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