100 Words - Aristocrat

 Karen’s primary goal in life was to remove the word aristocrat from the English language. She said it aggrandized the rich. To accomplish this she worked her way to be the head editor at a major publisher. No author under her watch ever got the word into print.

Nobody noticed the slow decline in the use of the word till one day the AI at one of the dictionary website found no current use of the word on the internet and quietly added the word “archaic” to the definition.

Looking down from her tower office, Karen grinned into her tea.

Dreaming In Haiku

What happens when your dreams are subjected to rigidly restrictive formatting.

100 Words - Ramble On

 

Tomorrow I plan to go on a ramble, a long bike ride of no fixed route.. This evening I will make a list in my head of everything that could possibly go wrong. Tonight I will have a dream where a dozen things interrupt my ride. In the morning I’ll chicken out and circle the neighborhood, as usual.

Only, I didn’t chicken out. I made it up the first big hill. It was hard, but not impossible. Then down the other side. I didn’t pedal for an hour. Time to turn around. Or is it? Where does that road go?

100 Words - Jacketed

 Once again they are yelling at me because I’m not acting the way that their pills are supposed to make me act. The pills were bad enough, but this straight jacket is what launched me straight into this tantrum. I keep telling them that if take the jacket off and call off the weasels, I’d calm down. They don’t listen.

The weasels aren’t all that bad really. Mostly, they just keep stealing the laces from my shoes. They occasionally bite my ears, but I think they’re after the wax. Their smell is the worst part. The come through the sewers.

100 Words - Periodic

 

In elementary school we learned about the elements. Our science book revealed to us the periodic table in all its four color printed glory. That night my mother asked what I learned in school. I told her that Mrs. Reno taught us all about periods.

This is where I should say my mother was shocked, but she was a nurse. Nothing related to human functions shocked her. She was confused though when I was unable to answer some simple questions. My oldest brother laughed and explained the confusion. They all laughed at my blush when Mom explained what periods were.

100 Words - Viking Askew

 

Ken’s Viking-style funeral lost much of its majesty when the flames reached the propane canisters that his nephew hid under the body. Though some would later argue that the human debris raining down on the friends and relatives was poetic in a rather bad-ass way.

At the party later they stood around the keg and played, “What’s That Body Part?” as they picked debris off each other. By the time the keg was empty and the scotch was flowing they had a trash bag half full of gore, and were considering its fate, finally settling on the strip club dumpster.

100 Words - The Cardinal Identity

 

He pulled the scarlet robes over his head for the first time and the enormity of his situation hit him. The robes of a Cardinal, representing Sangre de Cristo, the blood of Christ. The lesson for the day was, be careful whose identity you’re stealing.

He kept watching for an opportunity to escape., but found none. Outside his “cell” he was never alone. He was not allowed to be alone. At least when he kneeled and pretended to pray he was left alone.

A thousand miles away, the former Cardinal was sitting on a beach and loving his new life.