100 Words – Scaredy Cow

Smiley invented the phrase scaredy cow based on a misunderstanding of the word cower. Cow, cower, you see where I’m going. It caused much confusion among his parents and a couple visits to therapists who understood the linguistics and declare Smiley sane.

Smiley’s wife Martha is the only other human to use the phrase. She was very drunk and Smiley was unwilling to have sex at the gas station. It was well past midnight and the gas station was closed. Neither was in any condition to drive and rideshare hadn’t been invented yet. Smiley finally gave in. Glad he did.

100 Words – The River’s Call

Billy was 12 when he first heard the river’s song. His mother saw it in his eyes and was prepared when, at 16, he heeded its call. After that she saw him once a year. Each time his face was carved deeper by weather, adventure and sin.

He’d became a man too soon. His body was hard as a rock and he had the scars to show how often he had to prove it. Sometimes he came home with a broken heart. Sometimes with the clap.

Always older. Always sadder. Always back to the river’s. She buried him at 30.

100 Words – Rowboat

Clyde watched the rowboat drift away along the river. He made little bets in his head on which way it would rotate next. He mostly got it wrong. He expected, or hoped, that it would veer more to the left. But just as it started left, it would jump right, like someone was trying to steer the boat away from the rapids. Though it was the rapids Clyde wanted. Finally it wafted into the coming darkness.

Two days later he was relieved to read that the only finger prints found on the boat belonged to the body found in it.

100 Words – Witness

I watched the children scramble up the hillside. I shouted, hoping that whatever was chasing them would turn its attention to me. I saw nothing else take the hill, but the screams that followed were evidence of my failure.

I tried to talk myself into to calling the police, but knew it would be just like last time. They’d assumed I killed the kids and throw me in jail till the medical examiner came and again described the claw marks that no human could make. Then they’d try to charge me with something else. Eventually letting me go. Not again.

100 Words – Debris Animals

Among the random debris along the Edison Highway I saw a dead rooster on top a pile of computer equipment. I stopped and stared till a police car pulled up and the officer asked me what I was doing. I pointed out the rooster. He said, “Again?” and sped off.

I searched the local news for clues as to the cop’s response. No mentions of roosters on trash heaps were found. However, there were many mentions of other animals being dumped there. Mostly dogs, lots of rodents and one unbranded calf. The word unbranded was in bold. That’s important apparently.

100 Words – Irish Goodbye

Smiley was the master of the Irish goodbye. When the crowds overwhelmed him he would hit the bathroom, then just walk out the door. Then he met Martha, the master of overstaying her welcome. Between them they make an almost normal couple.

Evenings start off well. They both enjoy parties and nights out. On arrival they make the first round as a couple. Then they split and wander at their own pace. Eventually Martha realizes that all the other guests are gone and the hosts are laying major hints of departure.

Then she goes to the car and wakes Smiley.

100 Words – Bad Poet

I failed college English because I wrote a paper on why the professor’s girlfriend was the worst poet to ever put pen to paper. In my defense, I did not know that she was his girlfriend when I wrote the paper. Though, why else would he have us study her?

My conclusion at the end of the semester was that poetry was a scam full of self-important assholes who had nothing to say that related to my life. Years later, at another college, I learned that poetry wasn’t the problem. That professor and his bad poetry friends were the problem.